I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
