I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
