thus making me awesome and them whores
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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