I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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