Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I will be naked everywhere
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
