It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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