i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
