I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
