Jerry, you need to find god
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
