i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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