Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
