Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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