Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
