When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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