I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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