question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
