Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
