Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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