the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
