I have demons in me.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
