Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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