I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I faked an abortion last night.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
