took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
