The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
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I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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