You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
