I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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