ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
