His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
