im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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