38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
