I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
