i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
