I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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