I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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