clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Two words: blizzard sex
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
