I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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