I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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