I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
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Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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