I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize