I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
