my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
