i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
