Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
