I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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