He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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