i just wanna soil my oats bro
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
two words...techno handjob
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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