well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
As shirtless as possible
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
