I'm so fucking centered right now
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
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Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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