Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
