He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize