He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
