wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Green mimosas i think yes
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
