I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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