We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
